Okay, so it’s 2 pm… I’m in my pajamas. I have been awake for a while now. The bed is not made. Haven’t eaten, haven’t showered. The make-up that I’m surprised I had enough energy to put on yesterday is still smeared across my face. The apartment isn’t looking too hot either.
One of the reasons I think I have so much trouble getting my shit together is because I am depressed. Well duh.
Depression is an all consuming demon from the deepest pits of hell. Don’t underestimate it. It takes you and turns you into a little useless ball of putty. It robs you of all your energy. It tells you that you can’t do it and that there is no point in trying. You don’t want to do anything, other than tear yourself down even more. You just lay around in your pit of self-loathing, kind of waiting to die…or at least I do.
So, what do we do? Some of the best advice really, is just to “Keep Swimming.” Sometimes I can’t help but roll my eyes when I hear the words morning routine, but honestly routine has power… a lot of power. You are depressed. Why are you depressed? Probably because your shit’s not together.
Let’s face it, we are never going to have the dream lives that we have concocted in our heads if we can’t nail the basics.
I have always been a fan of lists. I love lists. Lists sort of gamify things. I find great satisfaction in marking a task off the list. The longer I make it down the list, the more accomplished I feel. Here is a list I have made for myself. So, without further ado, let the games begin.
- Get out of bed at a decent hour. (If you don’t have work, 8 am is fair, if you do have work get up a little earlier than usual)
- Make bed immediately after getting out of it.
- Drink a glass of water.
- Put on exercise clothes
- Take a short walk or if feeling spiffy a real workout would be great.
- Quick shower
- Coffee and breakfast
- Tidy up home
- Get dressed for the day
- Hair and face
These are basic ass, no-brainer, mundane tasks, but these are important tasks that have to be done. When you are feeling like shit, the last thing you need is to look in the mirror and think Damn, I look like hell. Some fun synonyms to disorganized are confusion, mayhem, madness, turmoil, and my personal favorite, PANDEMONIUM. Clean your house. Keep it clean. Put things back where they go. You will thank yourself later.
When you do successfully reach your goal, in what way will your life be different?
This question was in a fitness questionnaire I did and it gave me quite a bit of anxiety. In what ways will my life be different? I don’t know. I imagine that I will be happier and healthier. I will have more energy and self-confidence. Maybe I will get hit on more often. Perhaps when I look in the mirror I won’t recognize myself. Maybe by changing I am admitting to myself that I wasn’t good enough before. What will my family and friends think? Do they even care? Am I ready to hear… “Oh, you have lost so much weight. You look great!”
I know that I am not as happy as I could be currently, but I do know who I am. Who is this happier, healthier me? What will she look like? How am I going to feel when people like her better than me?
I never imagined that there would be so much fear and uncertainty attached to the idea of bettering myself. It is hard to imagine myself any different than I am now. When I try to imagine a better me, it is like waking up with someone else’s face on.
It wasn’t until I read this question that I realized that I was holding myself back. My fear is my own enemy. How to overcome this fear, that is the question. Why can’t I just accept a better me as a possibility?
I myself got a little stumped on this blog post, so I decided to take a break and go on a walk to mull things over. So, after some alone time I was able to put together a little list of thoughts to help us cope. So, when you’re thinking that you’re not ready for change or get offended by a compliment you can read this list.
Little List of Thoughts to Help us Cope
- Change is rather slow. Change doesn’t happen overnight, so it’s not like you are going to wake up and not know who you are.
- Compliments are NOT AN ACT OF WAR. Wouldn’t it be more offensive if no one noticed?
- You are still YOU. You are now just taking better care of yourself.
- Oh, and it is not like it has to be permanent!! You can always go back to being the way you are now (SOMEHOW THE MOST HELPFUL)
- Guess What!? Who decided to go on a transformation mission?… you did.
- Who has the strength and will power to reach the future goal? … you do.
- Came from you! It is not like some one else came along and possessed you.
I find myself in conversations with people that are so much better than me. I suppose that I am lucky for having these people in my life. They are an inspiration… but conversing with them always leaves me feeling a bit like a failure. One person will talk about their PhD, another will talk about how hard it is to find the right vision for their company, and then another will tell about their mission to give education to all the poor children. Don’t get me wrong, all of this is great! Absolutely fantastic! BUT Then someone turns to me to ask me what I am up to and I’m like
“Well, currently I am in the process of determining the flavor of potato chip that is stuck in my cleavage.”
It was chipotle cheddar btw.
Straight up…. I have no real education, am overweight, dress like a FRUMP, um uh in between jobs, and have basically no social life. This is not where I want to be. I don’t think anyone wants to be here. I love looking at ‘perfect people’. I love watching YouTube videos with the ‘perfect people’. I love reading blogs about the ‘perfect people’. It’s a problem really. But comparing yourself to others doesn’t help at all. It just makes you feel worse. It is good to have inspiration, but let’s make sure that it is inspiration and not a trigger for self-loathing.
I have been wanting to start a blog for some time now, but I have always felt like I wasn’t ready. Who would read it? I have no fashion sense. I am not healthy. I am not successful. If I just wait a little longer… once I get my shit together then I can start. NO. This is exactly why I have to start now. I love looking up to people who have their shit together, but it is hard to put myself in their place. I am thinking like that is them, not me. Well, it works for them, but it can’t work for me. But what if it could… I want to prove that it is possible to achieve your goals and that people are not just born that way. It will be a change and take a lot of hard work, but we can do it!! yay
please forgive my cheesy last sentence
This blog is all about getting the shit together. So, what is the first step to getting the shit together? Identifying the said shit. What is this shit you are gathering and why are you gathering it? I have felt like my life has been unraveling for sometime now and I am always saying that I need to get my shit together, but nothing seems to change. I have been thinking about it in the abstract, but I have not clearly laid out my goals. Everyone has different shit to gather in order for them to feel effective or happy about life. Down below I will provide a list of my shit and in later posts will let you know how the gathering is going.
MY LIST OF SHIT:
Make a Difference
Sense of Style
P.S. When you start to gather your shit, make sure that it is your shit that you are gathering and not someone else’s. People like to put their ideals on you and you can begin to question what you want for yourself. When you are imagining what you want your life to be like, do not ask others what they think. This is about you, not them. Self- improvement is about the self. Don’t make changes for others, make them for you.